I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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