It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
