he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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