Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
