Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
