my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I intend to get homeless drunk
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
