GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize