I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
