if only i could text you this smell
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
