I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
