he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
