You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
