I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
