So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
