I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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