He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
