i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize