One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
