I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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