hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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