I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
