My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
