I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
