you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Everclear isn't food dammit
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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