you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
