She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
