I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
