Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize