I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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