i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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