Screwed.edu
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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