Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize