when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You are the jesus of drinking
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
