i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
