just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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