I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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