so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
