New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
