im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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