i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize