okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
