have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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