M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Bring me that man meat
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
