i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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