How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She announced her abortion via fbk
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
