dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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