fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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