he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
