Cold hands, warm shart.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
