Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
