I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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