Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
