Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
