how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
