In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
