This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
