If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
