So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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