i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
