dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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