Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
