I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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