This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
this will be a night to untag.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
