youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
