I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
