I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
