I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
