; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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