you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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