Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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