Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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