there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
