Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize