THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
