I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize