hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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