1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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