From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
