Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
COCAINE IS GR8
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
