I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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