So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
