After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize