In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
