Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
