I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
