youre lurking in front of me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
