I wanna passion pit in your ass
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
