you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
