Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
