yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
