Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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