Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
