drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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