I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
