Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
