I just saw a hot homeless man
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
