and you said cock pushups were impossible
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
