I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
