Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
