I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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