Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
