Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
