nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
