do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize