This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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